RemiI’m walking my dog in the park. It’s lovely. I’m listening to the birds singing, enjoying the sun on my face. Suddenly I feel a tug on the lead behind me. I turn to observe my cute puppy, hunched over, looking at me with guilty eyes as she squeezes out a poo. I spy the poo bag dispenser. My mind time travels.

I wonder, what will future species think of us? Archaeological digs will uncover masses of plastic waste, poo bags included. Seeing as it takes the average plastic bag 200-400 years to beak down, and landfills create a kind of compacted, rubbish fossilizing system – what’ll they think of all the perfectly preserved dog poo’s?

As a responsible dog walker I must be prepared for said poop. ‘Dog-Poo-Shoe’ is a major faux pas in most western cultures, not to mention protecting public health, (I don’t want to blind a child!) But what does one do whilst attempting to save ones planet? Plastic poo-bags are obviously a no-no, because as we all know: plastic NEVER EVER BIODEGRADES!

Scouring the internet, my only option seems to be a huge and claw like contraption. Not at all practical for a day frolicking in the park. What I need is a good old fashioned poop-a-scoopa. They looked like an egg box, you scooped the poop and hey presto! Where did they go?

Alternatives? Recycled paper bags do the job. I save them up after shopping trips. The checkout chick looks at me funny because EVERY loose vegetable is in one. Whatever. This method isn’t suitable for all dogs, but for my puppy, the 3.5kg love-child of Sweep and a Jack Russell, they suffice. Sometimes I find an empty re-usable coffee cup. This used to make me crazy. It now makes a great poop-scoop. The other day I even used a large leaf. How bloody biodegradable of me.

However damn imaginative I have to be, however crazy things get, I will prevail. It will NOT be my dogs poo on the examination table of the future.