Archives for posts with tag: beauty

You can’t poop. You can barely string a sentence together. You just woke up at 9pm ready for brekkie and have been lumbering around like a zombie ever since. If this sounds familiar you may be experiencing the disgustingly debilitating effects of jetlag, also known as Desynchronisis.

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I myself enjoy the ultimate punishment of the Australia to Europe journey. After suffering this heinous trip on several occasions I decided it was time to get radical. No damn jetlag is going to steal away my holiday time! An entire week feeling cranky and unfit for human consumption is just UNACCEPTABLE!

These tips genuinely eased my pain and suffering. They may seem rather killjoy but I’m serious about beating this shit hands down! So here you go. Share the love and prepare yourself for the 5 most unexciting tricks to avoiding jetlag!!

 #1. NO SLEEP TILL BROOKLYN!

 Traveling Australia to Europe means crossing 10 time zones. That’s impressive shit. You’re a modern day Marty Mcfly for chuffs sake! Unfortunately your body doesn’t see it that way.
marty-mcfly

To avoid waking up at night wondering why its broad daylight requires Mr Miyagi discipline. A few days before your trip try to stay up a couple of hours longer than usual (4-6hours works well) During the fight synchronise your sleep to your destination times and when you arrive resist the urge to go straight to bed. 9pm should really be the earliest you hit the sack. Stay relatively active and expose yourself to as much sunlight as possible; this helps your circadian rhythm (body clock) to adjust. Just remember, one day of zombification is much better than wasting a whole week!
miyagi-fly

#2. HYDRATION

Humidity at 30,000ft sits at around 12%. That’s drier than most deserts and definitely drier than a dead dingos donger. Hydrate. Hydrate. Hydrate. It’s as simple as that. This unfortunately means avoiding the free booze and caffeine. I know, BORING right? Just visualize Tutankhamen’s dusty remains and imagine yourself waking up in his tomb. This should be your motivation! Carry moisturiser and grease up your nostrils!
Vatican Mummy

 

#3. SELF-CLEANSING & COMFORT

After 16 hours on a plane you can guarantee you’ll be feeling pretty gross, slimy almost. Imagine Sigourney Weavers baby in Alien Resurrection. This is a disgustingly accurate comparison for myself. Take deodorant, a flannel and a shower at any layover opportunity!
alien res4

On my last adventure I also took a pillow and sleeping bag as carry-on. This meant I could have a proper snooze during the layover AND I was lovely and cosy during the flight. Choose clothes that would look the part at an MC Hammer convention.

#4. MOVEMENT

I am always overjoyed to be allotted the window seat. I can lean on the wall for sleep and enjoy some serious cloud watching. This time however the guy in the isle seats turned out to be some kind of Olympic bladder control expert. He got up ONCE in 12 hours and seemed to be sleeping for the entirety of the flight.  The more times I asked him to move, the more awkward it got. This basically confined me to my to my tiny corner.
Like Sardines in a Can

Moving around is incredibly important for circulation and comfort. It will ease swollen ankles AKA cankles and help prevent DVT. Do it as much as possible. Fuck isle seat man! Hang out near the kitchen where there is space to stretch and do a few star jumps. Seriously.

#5. CABIN PRESSURE

Its true! We really are full of hot air! The human body contains a large amount of gas. This includes air as well as gasses generated in the stomach and intestines during digestion. Cabin pressure causes these gases to expand in your intestines so beans on toast may be a regrettable pre-flight snack! The excess gas will definitely cause discomfort. Eat very lightly before and during the flight. Thoughtful meal choices can reduce the after effects of the journey as well as improving comfort during the flight.
cowboy_fart Most of the time I only eat because I’m bored. Dinnertime on an long and arduous journey is more than just eating. It’s an event! This time I took a lunchbox of mixed nuts and ate only the fruit and salad at meal times. This sounds SO FRICKING BORING, but the initial food envy I felt watching my husband stuff his face was thankfully short lived.  After the flight I experienced no problems at all with digestion, so the payoff was well worth the sacrifice.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

SOOOO…shampoo’s and conditioners come in plastic bottles and seeing as I recently took the vow, under oath: Thou shalt not buy any new plastics...I’ve been searching for an alternative like a demon! I mean, I’m all for the cause and I could suffer for my art, if I wanted to, and I’m definitely feeling the environmentalist vibes but I’m not sure that I’m ready to stop washing altogether!
I wondered to myself “what did folks do before the days of Vidal Sassoon and Herbal Essences”? We take it for granted nowadays, the market is saturated with ridiculous concoctions and we are constantly reminded through TV commercials how bloody important it is to keep those tresses primped and preened!! So, feeling curious I gave myself a quick history lesson in shampoos through the ages! (in no particular order)

DANG! My hairs like wire bloody wool!

GLADIATORS READY?!

Apparently Ancient Romans viewed shampooing as a bit of chore so very rarely did it. They had far more important things to be doing such as watching Gladiators kill each other in grizzly fashion, or re-writing history to suit their own political needs, or engaging in illicit sexy times with family members. However, when/if they did wash their hair they would use an attractive mixture of animal fats and ashes. This heady mix was so harsh that many would have been walking around with hair do’s resembling a used Brillo pad! Because of this most people would simply shave their heads.  The elite and privileged would then don elaborate wigs and headdresses.

GAME OF THRONES

If you were unlucky enough to be born a peasant during medieval times chances were you would probably NEVER wash your hair. This would be the last thing on your mind seeing as you were living a slave existence and spent your whole life working your filthy fingers to the bone JUST to pay your wages to the church and lords in taxes. The fear of hell-for-your-sins was so deeply terrorized into them by the church that they just got on with it, filthy hair and all without so much as a murmur! In fact during these grim times you would probably experience only two baths in your entire existence, one at birth and one when you carked it!

WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN

The Egyptians on the other hand were incredibly vain, they would style their hair with animal fat based products to enhance appearance and really show off their individuality, not really washing as such, but damn they would have looked good! Even after death their loved ones would maintain their ‘do’…because who wants to walk into the afterlife with a bad hair day?! Mummified remains have been found with impeccably preserved hair in a whole range of trendy styles.

OOOOOH, your hairs dead shiny!

Back to the mission in hand…after months of brewing in my dungeon and testing on my own poor tresses I think I may have found the solution! Its plastic free and entirely devoid of any harsh chemicals, double win! This is a recipe that even the Romans might have used it’s so EASY!

SHAMPOO RECIPE

Now listen carefully, this is the scientific bit, just one magical ingredient…Bicarbonate of Soda. That’s it. WOAH MAMMA, stone the crows, it’s a miracle!

METHOD

Stir 1 heaped tsp of bicarb into a mug of warm water, take to the shower/bath with you. Wet your hair, pour the mixture over your hair and massage in to your scalp as usual. Don’t be alarmed by the lack of suds, contrary to popular belief bubbles DON’T make things cleaner!

CONDITIONER RECIPE

2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar in a large mug of warm water

METHOD

Pour the mixture slowly over your hair, it works like a rinse. Avoid eye contact!! I leave it in for a few minutes before rinsing. This shit is the BOMBDIGGITY!

Shiny disco ball…

Your hair will be more shiny than a teenagers t zone and more dazzling than John Travolta’s false teeth.  People will literally have their minds blown out of their skulls in sheer wonderment, be careful where you point it!

Tip #1 – use luke warm water to rinse, this helps with shine and doesn’t frazzle your hair.

Tip#2 –  it takes about a week for your hair to rid itself of the previous products and chemicals found in conventional shampoos.  Whilst you go through this transition your hair may feel heavy and greasy,  give it a chance to settle before you give up hope! Healthy, shiny and chemical free hair is worth the wait, I promise!

Fact; most modern shampoos are made with synthetic components, whilst your hair appears to be healthy and sleek, it is actually more of a man-made shine. These chemicals aren’t particularly good for you or the environment.

EGGSTRA-ORDINARY DEEP CONDITIONING RECIPE

1 egg, beaten (more depending on your hair length or the amount of heads you plan to smother)
2 TBS of extra virgin olive oil

METHOD

  • Mix the egg and olive oil together in a bowl
  • Wet you hair
  • Smooth on the mixture
  • Wrap your head in a towel and leave for 20 minutes
  • Wash off under luke warm water, any hotter could result in scrambled eggs…in your hair. NOT, I repeat NOT the desired effect!

* I use the egg conditioner a couple of times a month just to give my tresses a little eggy treat. Any more shine and I could be considered a public liability, people would literally be dazzled blind!

My new razor is a beast, a machine and a thing of beauty! It exudes cool elegance and holding the weight of it in my hand I have to admit, I feel like a real man! This is the kind of weapon my grandpa would have used, the kind that Gatsby and Gene Kelly  would have been smoothing their chiseled faces with, this is next level grooming.

Shaving my legs is now an event, gone are the days of the shoddy, flimsy plastic Bic razor and never before have I put so much thought into the process.
I prepare my pins with a good lather of olive oil soap before reaching for it.
It glints menacingly as the stainless steel catches a sliver of sunshine. It feels powerful and dare I say, even a little dangerous! Ooh! I shave tentatively and in the direction of the hairs growth, I hold the end of the handle as this seems to work well with the weight distribution. I am EXTRA careful around my ankles, knees and sacred lady parts, after all, this baby could slice me up quicker than Sweeney Todd!
After the shave I smooth olive oil over my skin whilst it’s still damp, things can get a little dry without the added moisturising strip which comes with most modern plastic razors.

The results are outstanding, my legs are smoother than a Barry White compilation tape  and after a week or so I noticed that redness and irritation are things of the past.
The razor itself set me back a sweet $70,  I could have probably found it cheaper on eBay, or maybe even scoured the antique shops but when I saw it glinting at me from its glass cabinet, it was love at first sight. I’m thinking that within the year it will have paid for itself anyway, a pack of new blades will set you back a mere couple of dollars which compared to modern cartridges is PEANUTS! Plus,  if looked after lovingly the razor will last forever.


This lost art is making a comeback with men and I think us ladies should join the revival too, everything about it screams badass and not only that but its better for the environment and easier on your purse. Its a well worthy investment and once again a win in the war against throwaway plastic!

This week I ran out of body scrub AND shower gel, damn it! I LOVE a good scrub and obviously I need to stay clean but like most other beauty products they both come packaged in plastic. But were you also aware that the friendly scrubby ‘Micro Beads’ in exfoliator are plastic too?! Inside and out, throwaway plastics have infiltrated our lives in such epic style that it seems hard to avoid.

Micro beads have been around for years, they are present in exfoliators and used as abrasives in cleaning products. For the entirety of their existence we have been pouring them down the drain without a thought. Because they are so minuscule it is virtually impossible to filter them through our drainage systems and this means that most will sadly end up in our oceans.
This is terribly bad news for the Zooplankton, the fishes who dine on them and in turn humans as our fishy food fascination continues unabated. In light of this, today’s mission is all about scrubbing, naturally!

HONEY, SUGAR & OLIVE OIL SCRUB

Ingredients;

  • Honey 2 tbsp
  • Raw sugar 1/2 jar
  • Extra virgin Olive Oil 3 tbsp
  • 1 Glass Jar

The method is simple; first add the olive oil to the jar, this will stop everything else from sticking. Next add the sugar and honey. Mix well.

I use this a couple of times a week, the sugar is just hard enough for a good scrub but then dissolves in the hot water nicely, the olive oil leaves your skin SO soft. No need to moisturise afterwards.

( Extra virgin olive oil, all by itself, is one of natures best beauty secrets. In addition to being a natural, hypoallergenic way to moisturize skin, extra virgin olive oil has the added advantage of providing strong antioxidants, like Vitamins A and E that help repair and renew skin that has been damaged from overexposure to sun, air pollution, and other modern-day environmental hazards – like cigarette smoke and fast food. These antioxidants have the natural ability to stimulate cells and return skin to a firmer, smoother, and healthier state…it is AMAZING!)

COFFEE GRIND YOUR BODY!

Recently I have been popping into the cafe and asking for the left over coffee grinds, once again I look like a lunatic BUT they do make for an amazing, invigorating AND plastic free scrub! The caffeine is great for your skins circulation and some even say that if used regularly it can greatly reduce cellulite. As soon as I mentioned this at work everyone was off home with paper bags full of the stuff! Even my boy loves it!

These two are the only ones I’ve tried so far and I highly recommend both but if you are looking for something a little different here’s a link to Tip Junkie, they have a huge list of simple, cheap and good-enough-to-eat recipes.

And before you go…here’s a little song about micro beads!

BEAT THE MICRO BEAD – Plastic Soup Foundation & The North Sea Foundation from PlasticSoupFoundation on Vimeo.